Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
