shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
