i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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