Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
