Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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