I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
