all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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