Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
