pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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