she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
