Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
