Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
