we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
