Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
