I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
