ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
