you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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