I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need water and some morals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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