respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
