put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
