So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
