i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
