If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
