You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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