I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we're making bets on your personal life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
