soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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