Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
that's an acceptable place to lick
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
