She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
