I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
