its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
