Cold hands, warm shart.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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