More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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