I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
