I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
