She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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