We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
