dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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