omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
