i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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