you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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