when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
