I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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