My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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