Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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