My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
