3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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