Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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