when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
