its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
