Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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