She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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