You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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