why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
