I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
