i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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