do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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