it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
