Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize