I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
