I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
