i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
