she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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