True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Operation Purity has been aborted
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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