yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize