i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
