Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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