paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
