There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
