I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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