a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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