i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
